FINDING MY MOTHER, FINDING MYSELF
A Memoir of Three Women, in their own words
by
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It was a challenge for me to write about my mother, who died in 1940 at age 33, when I was a 20-month-old toddler. I have no memory of her whatsoever. Everything I ever heard about her was the legend of a perfect woman, as told by her devoted mother and siblings. I’ve always wondered what my life would have been like if I had known her, if she had been there to help me grow up and if I would be a different person. …I discovered that she wasn’t perfect at all – just a regular girl and that I am probably just like her, even the spitting image. I became fixated on finding her turning point and learning how the legend was formed. I hoped to figure out who she really was and what was in her heart. …Now, as I write this story of Grace Edna’s life, I can see her more clearly than ever before, through the eyes of those who loved her. …Her sisters and brothers told me that she was charming, fun-loving, and definitely unconventional. She had many beaux but, in the end, she fell in love with my father, 15 years her senior, who was married! (Separated and getting a divorce.) She intended to marry him, no matter what her mother and father thought. I think she was afraid of never finding her hero. …When a person Is gone, and all that is left are their written words, we all hope mysteries may be solved, family myths proved. By merging her letters with many written by the rest of her family, along with some newspaper articles and college memorabilia, I verified events mentioned in the letters. I even found proof positive that one shocking family myth was untrue! So, this memoir is centered on my mother, Grace Edna – the true her, conveying her own thoughts, unsaintly though they might have been. …It is difficult to know exactly where the truth lies, especially when everyone who knew the truth has died. …My self today is a product of all that happened to me over the past 80+ years, but it is also a product of all that happened to my mother and father, their parents, grandparents, and all their ancestors. All I have of Daddy are a few pictures, some newspaper mentions, and his family tree going back to the 1640s, from John Churchill of Plymouth, Massachusetts, and His Descendants, compiled by Churchill family genealogists. All I have of Mother are her written words and very few personal possessions. The following family letters, beginning in 1896, and whatever else might be revealed through historical research, provide only one-sided truth. That is the limitations I faced, as do we all when searching our history for our true selves.
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About the Book
Family myths and fantasies often obscure the facts about who we are and how we got here. “Find My Mother, Finding Myself” was going to be about the women who came before me, particularly the mother I never knew. It evolved into a docudrama about the daily lives that three women lived over half a century, complete with illness, romance, scandal, and yes, murder! I came to know Edna, Ide Belle, and Grace intimately through some two hundred letters written by the three women and their siblings. I came to understand, a little better, how my own personality traits formed. Hopefully, this living record will prove the value of knowing one’s family history and how it can lead not only to self-knowledge, but to a powerful feeling of owning one’s own place and purpose.
About the Author
Clynne (Churchill) Morgan Tilton is a native Floridian, raised in Miami by her maternal grandparents and, now and then, in Punta Gorda by her father who died when she was 11. The Morgans were a railroad family, who came to Miami in 1902 with Henry Flagler’s Florida East Coast Railroad. Clynne has been writing professionally for more than 50 years in television, film, radio, performing arts, regional magazines, and not-for-profit organizations. She spent little time on her own creative works. Returning to college at age 52, in 1993 she earned a BA at Barry University. In 1996, she earned her MA in English with concentration in Professional Writing. This memoir is a true labor of love, documenting the lives of her great grandmother, her grandmother, and her mother of whom Clynne has no memory; but their letters told their stories. At age 84, she has finally finished her own story.