A Frog in Your Pocket

PREFACE

He was a big man with a big heart, gentle and full of wit. My beloved Anthony and I shared fifteen years of married life together and the arrival of a son and daughter had completed our family. In 1991, Tony died suddenly and our young children and I lost a precious part of our lives. Years went by, and though I had many photographs of our happy times together, I came to realize that our children might need something more than just photos to keep memories of their dad from fading over time.

Several years ago I received the gift of a small journal. That same afternoon, surely inspired by Tony, I sat down to write, and treasured words and memories flowed effortlessly onto the pages. Over time, my written words and memories took the shape of little stories. And the stories seemed to convey lessons—simple, yet valuable lessons anyone could embrace—that gradually metamorphosed into this book.

But more than just a collection of memorable vignettes, I offer this loving legacy as an inspiration for your bolder leap into everyday life. May your family, friends and coworkers smile at your metamorphosis after reading A Frog in Your Pocket: Life Lessons from Dad.

BOOK SMART vs STREET SMART

Although he was the youngest, Tony was the first in his family to graduate from high school. While both his parents were employed—his mother, Giovanna, was a seamstress, his father, Nicolo, a laborer—it was his older sister, working and living at home, who generously paid his tuition to attend St. Ignatius College Prep for four years. St. Ignatius is a highly respected Jesuit Catholic high school and the entire family proudly applauded Tony’s accomplishment.

After graduation in 1957, Tony joined the workforce. What came to surprise him over the years was the number of intelligent, college-educated people he met who seemed to lack basic common sense. Tony was quick with words and sharp with numbers, but he prized his ability to be genuine, his ability to “read” people, and especially, his ability to use common sense. These were his strong suits—things you don’t get from books.

Tony said if he’d gone to college he would have studied law.

Get your university degree, but be grounded in common sense.

FRIENDS INDEED

It was Tony’s first day on his new job as a finance manager at a Chevrolet dealership. He would be working with a partner, Allan, who was explaining the company procedures and computer operations to him. Allan had been running the finance office there for four years, yet in spite of this, he said to Tony, “I don’t believe in pulling rank. We’ll be equal partners—no seniority.” He then asked Tony which day he’d like to have off. Tony said he’d prefer Friday (same as Allan’s day off), to which Allan blurted out, “RANK!” And thus began the warm, witty and lasting friendship of two like-minded men.

The day our son, Justin, was born, Allan was the first person Tony called from the hospital birthing room, announcing with pride, “It’s a boy!” That was also the day “Uncle Al” became family.

Make friendships that last.

PASS

Tony had a quick and easy way of letting you know he wasn’t going along with an idea. He’d simply say, “Pass.” He might say this at work if he thought a deal wouldn’t get approved by the bank, even though the sales manager wanted him to “spot the car” (make an immediate delivery). It was useful in a lot of other circumstances, too.

Once a year we’d spend a fun family weekend at 4-H Camp Shawanasee. Along with swimming, and songs around the campfire, counselors lead a variety of outdoor activities. One afternoon a special adventure was on the schedule—we would be hiking through a pine forest and crawling through the “world’s smallest cave.” Tony said, “Pass!”

Then there was the time we had an opportunity to take a helicopter ride over Table Rock Lake and the Ozark Mountains. How cool! Going sightseeing in a chopper! Without hesitation, Tony asserted, “PASS!” He didn’t have to waste words about what he would or wouldn’t do.

Don’t be afraid to say “Pass.”