Be Phenomenal

Chapter One: My Past Story

I was born and raised in the third world country of Haiti. I was blessed with the irregularity of being raised by both parents, and throughout my life we were lucky to be considered a middle class family. My father was very laid back. He rarely spoke, and was quiet so regularly, it was difficult for me to read him. Not once did he sit me down to inquire about my life; help me through a new hurtle of growing up, or to give advice. It was my mother who was the disciplinarian of the house. I admire the fact that she created and managed a successful business by herself. She was the breadwinner of the family, an incredible role model. I will be forever grateful for her courageous spirit, and in awe of the strength it took to maintain our household and her business while personally making sure my sister and I were well taken care of.

What she did not do was truly nurture us; she could not find a balance between her duties and taking time to nurture and cherish us. I am now totally clear on the fact that my mother gave me all she had, and that she could not have given me what she herself didn’t have. I now know that she did the best she could with everything she had, because I know that it is imperative to understand: the way a person is treated by their parents as a kid is often a direct reflection of how they were treated by their own parents when they were little. Understanding that fact allowed me to begin the process of forgiveness.

Growing up, I always felt something was missing- that something just wasn't quite right. At that time, I did not know what factor created a hole in my heart, but I knew I always longed to be heard and seen by my parents. I longed for my mom to make me feel special, and yet I did not feel cherished by her. Being as young as I was, I didn't have the ability to fully understand why I didn't get the love and validation from my parents that I expected. My childhood self could not comprehend why my mother withheld love and affection from me, so therefore, I believed that I was the problem or that we are not good enough in the way most kids would. As a child, when you don't find love and validation from your parents you tend to believe that you are the problem, or that something you've done is the reason for it. At a very young age, I had come to believe that I was not worthy. It is true for many of us, that when love and attention are absent from a relationship we have with someone we love, such as parents or care takers, we begin to feel that the problem lies within us.

We are not the problem, we as children did nothing wrong. It is likely that our parents were just projecting what they were feeling at that time. It is also likely their insecurities, fears, unhappiness, and frustrations in life that was the root of the issue as opposed to the kids. As a child, you haven't collected the wisdom and life experiences it requires to read between the lines of what’s physically happening and what's causing it to happen behind the scenes. I rapidly lost my self-confidence at a very young age. I subsequently stopped dreaming of achieving great things, and stopped thriving in life. I did the minimum required of me, and began seeking attention and validation from outside. I didn't know how to believe in myself, and I lost my direction in life.

Later down the line, it became a common belief among my family and friends that a career in the nursing field was a successful route for young individuals, based on the level of job security and high salary. Without hesitation, I enrolled in nursing school without an idea of what my true purpose or calling was. I later noticed that no one I had been surrounded by during my youth ever mentioned the concept of having a “purpose.” My parents were not trained to guide and help me find what was I drawn to do. We never spoke about my goals and visions in life, and it was not until later in life that I realized everyone has to have a goal in life. People are goal-oriented creatures, and having a vision of greatness can raise a person through hard and difficult times. Everyone needs a vision or goal to get him or her up in the morning, and keep him or her going even when they feel like giving up.

In the past, it always amazed me when I met people that knew exactly what they wanted to do, or what career path they wanted to take. These people always seemed so happy and content. It seemed as though someone had let out the secret of how to live a happy, successful life, and for some reason I had been excluded. I had learned to live within my comfort zone, and had become content with not aspiring to become more in life. I did not believe that there were other, more fulfilling lifestyles, and I was certainly not aware that there could be a higher level and quality of life.