Hannah’s Journey

Hannah holed herself up behind her locked bedroom door with no one but Ruby and Rosa around her. She stayed in bed and would not talk, even to them. “Hannah, sweetie, this is Aunt Jacqueline. Is there anything I can do?” her aunt said through the door. “No.” “Then I’ll just go back home.” Hannah was in bad shape. She had no one to blame but herself and would drown in self-recrimination if left alone. When she had not been out of bed in five days Aunt Jacqueline went over and made her get up. "Hannah, sweetie, you have a daughter that needs her mother and you've enjoyed your self-pity long enough. Now, it's time for you to get up and put on your big girl panties. You made your choice and now you have to live with it--alone--especially since you've forced the issue and made sure Micah wouldn't be sharing that bed with you." "That's not fair. I did what was best for both of us. We're not in love. It would have been a marriage of convenience. I've had the real thing, Aunt Jacqueline, and I want that or nothing." "Well, you got it...nothing, that is. You’re a smart girl, so how in this area, can you be so dim-witted? Listen to me, Hannah. No matter what you do, Dylan is not here and is not coming back.” Hannah heard the door slam, and with that Jacqueline had headed back home. That evening her aunt called back. Hannah thought it was to apologize. It was not. "Hannah, I've accepted a job for you and you'll be leaving for a shoot in Columbia in two days and you had better get ready." Hannah threw a hissy fit. "You can't do that to me. I have a baby daughter that can't go with me and has to be taken care of." "Rosa and I will take care of Ruby in your absence and then I will take Ruby for all her immunizations next week so that when you return, you will be able to take Ruby on the next shoot if you so desire." "I’m a grown woman, and I will make the decisions concerning my life and Ruby’s. I do still live in a free country and I'm an adult, and as such, I have the privilege of making my own decisions. I don't need help in getting my head on straight--I just need my busybody old-maid aunt to butt out and leave me alone. I can handle my own problems and come to a rational conclusion all by myself without any help! Thank you very much!" "Well, Mss Hoity-Toity, if you're such an adult, then you'd better start acting like one instead of wallowing in self pity. Now, you had better get up out of bed and get ready to leave for work—in two days." Aunt Jacqueline had promised to take the job herself several weeks before so that she wouldn't be in the way of the newlyweds, but now that was unnecessary, and it was more important for Hannah to get away and think. So, she had called at the last minute and told the client that she could not make the shoot and asked if her niece could do the shoot in her place. The magazine had been furious at first, but when told that Hannah had been her assistant, was fully qualified, and would make the shoot on a buy-only-if-you-like-it basis, they had acquiesced. Jacqueline had promised that if Hannah failed to produce the photos they wanted, she would be on the next plane to go do them herself for expenses only, no fee, and they happily relented, since this had just turned into a win-win situation. From there, it had been an easy matter to bully Hannah into going. Hannah came up with a half dozen reasons why she couldn't make the shoot in the two days she had to prepare. Ruby was the most important, but there were others. "Second, I'm under-qualified and you know it. Third, even if Ruby had her shots so she could go, we don't have a nanny that could go around the world with us to take care of her, someone who would already have a passport and all their shots and nothing to tie them down. Fourth, what about the house and Rosa? I can't just leave home like that, without any preparation. I let her go once before without considering what it would do to her, and I can’t do that to her again. What would Rosa do for a job if I take off for parts unknown? She needs this job and I'll need her when we return. Fifth, is leaving you here alone. You know that your health is not that great. I have to be here to see that you're alright. And Sixth, I wouldn't know what to do or how to do it. I've always been with you and you did all the real work. You decided on the shots. You set up the equipment. You arranged for the help in getting to the shoots. I was just along for the fun of it." “That’s what you think. I spent years teaching you what to do and how to do it, and I’m a very good teacher. When the time comes, it will all come back to you. You can do this!” All of Hannah’s reasons, except the ones involving Ruby, were empty excuses to keep her from facing life and allow her to continue keeping her life on hold until Dylan could return, even if it was only in her dreams. He might have been gone to everyone else, but he was still very much alive in her memory. She had felt him and heard him, and she couldn't let him go. Hannah was on the plane to Columbia on Sunday morning, and cried quietly for almost half the flight. She had left Ruby behind. She had left both Dylan and Micah behind, and somehow she was supposed to find herself and figure out her whole life while in Columbia filming butterflies...